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    Forwarding Address 28 years-old human... Pancreatitis Depressed
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March 31, 2004 - 5:34 pm Post Wedding We got married on 29th November 2003. So, it�s been four months and�two days since �I do�. And what have I learnt so far? 1. The range of emotions you go through after the day is vast and ever changing. Elation, happiness, depression, regret, sadness, paranoia, tearfulness, a sense of loss, contentment, boredom�.I went through them all and more. You spend a year or more concentrating on the organisation of one day, the day lasts a few hours, it flashes by in an instant no matter how much you try to step back and take it all in, and you are left with nothing to organise, honeymoon over, no money, a hell of a lot of housework to do and bills to pay. It�s no wonder people suffer from Post Wedding Blues. But the cool thing is � it�s perfectly normal! So my advice is feel free to wallow in it all for a while. Damn it, you�ve just spend a fortune and used all your energy and creativeness to create a fabulous huge and expensive party for all your family and your mates. Your focus has been your wedding day and honeymoon for yonks and now the postman only delivers bills � no cards, no wedding congratulations, no gift vouchers. You deserve a little self-pity, a few extra chocolates, a little weight gain, a small wine dependency! Spoil yourself! You�ve worked hard, now�s your time to chill out. Just chill out together that�s the main thing. Mr D and me spent a lot of time getting very chilled out in our favourite bar drinking wine and eating tapas and shoving it on the credit card, it meant we could catch up with one another after the whirlwind of the months surrounding the Big Day and just be together without having to discuss table plans and family feuds. 2. You realise that your wedding day wasn�t perfect (see 3. Things can, and will, go wrong). As Monica in Friends once wisely said �I�m no longer a bride. I�ll never be a bride again. Now, I�m just someone�s wife!� It is because of this feeling that your one day as bride is over, that you start to recount everything about the day and realise it wasn�t entirely perfect. Your wedding day is supposed to be perfect isn�t it? So how come it wasn�t? There isn�t a single detail I haven�t poured over in minute detail in my head and agonised about and it has taken me four months (and two days) to realise that we had a good day, it wasn�t perfect or without its conflicts and problems (before, after and during) but it was good. I�d change Monica�s quote to this: �Thank God I don�t have to be a bride anymore, now I can be someone�s wife�. A very wise friend once said to me �You married him for the duration, not the day�. 3. Things can, and will, go wrong. Everyone says it and sometimes they�re right. In my case the following things happened: - I decided two weeks before the day that I hated my dress - Five days before the Big Day I was struck down by proper full-blown flu. I was in bed right up until the day before feeling like death, I couldn�t even walk properly to the bathroom, I couldn�t imagine what it felt like to be well. I was still ill on the day itself and at one point asked Mr D if we could leave the party around 10.30pm as I was feeling so awful. - The manager of our wedding venue was a bit scary and was forever saying things like �at the end of the day I�m running a business� etc. It made us feel a bit like we were in her way, rather than people paying her thousands of pounds to hire the damn place. It sounds trivial but for quite a while afterwards it really affected me, there were all these reviews about the venue on Hitched.co.uk saying wonderful things about her and the staff and I kept thinking �Why me? Did I do something to make them not as nice to me?� For ages it really spoilt my memories of the day and upset me hugely. - The videographer lost sound and therefore missed my Dad�s speech, Mr D�s speech, most of the Best Man�s speech and a load of footage of my family singing Flower of Scotland and Mr D�s family singing �Swing Low�. - The photos were okay but they didn�t really provide the reportage style that we had asked for. - It rained all day. It was sunny on the 28th and sunny on the 30th, but on the 29th it rained. And this is what we did to overcome all these things: - Two weeks before I returned to the shop where I had bought my dress and bought a new top half to go with the skirt of my dress. It was perfect and I didn�t need a single alteration, to this day I still can�t believe my luck. - This was difficult, I felt so ill I lost half a stone in five days (a good point!) I got through the day on adrenaline alone, and a hot toddy made by one of the bar staff! I eventually took the advice of a close friend who suggested I should �drink myself better�. Six glasses of champagne later I do believe it had worked, and I made it right til the end of the night after all, I danced until midnight. - I talked to a lot of people and everyone else noticed she was very abrupt and businesslike. A lot of the suppliers we had working for us at the wedding had worked with her before and did not have great things to say about her either. So I put it down to being her problem and not mine. - The videographer losing sound was awful. Although the finished result is very well done, you wouldn�t notice the speeches weren�t there even! But those are memories I would like on film and not just vaguely in my head so it is a shame. But there�s nothing we can do about it so there�s no point dwelling on it. - The professional photos we had taken were quite good. But the photos everyone else took on their own cameras and using the fun cameras on the tables were brilliant! It�s well worth having a professional photographer, but the ones your mates take when they are a few glasses of bubbly into the evening are priceless. - It did rain all day it�s true. But it didn�t matter at all. In fact we have a great picture of Mr D and I kissing with a background of black clouds! Very romantic. If I ever renew my gold membership I shall post the picture. 4. Being married is cool. I�m 26 and I love people�s reactions when they find out I�m married, they are always surprised. Just using the term �husband� in everyday life is fun. Walking about with a shiney new wedding ring on is fun, looking at honeymoon pictures is fun, hearing other people�s stories of the day is fun, answering questions from brides-to-be is fun. Marrying the person you adore most in the world is cool. 5. Your new husband and you will argue about strange things. I walked out of our flat one Sunday afternoon to go and cool down over a cup of tea at my best mate�s house. Why? Because I had a huge row with Mr D about hoovering the bedroom. It�s strange, even if you lived together before the wedding you start to argue about strange little domestic things. Who cleans the bathroom, who takes out the rubbish, who is messiest, who is better at cleaning out the fridge, who is better at hoovering etc. I walked out because I was insisting I should hoover the bedroom and hubby took it as a personal insult to his cleaning abilities. Seriously. You�re setting the foundations for the future, suddenly you feel you need to sort everything out now, set the ground rules for a peaceful existence side-by-side for the rest of eternity. Just go with it, don�t take it all too seriously, things will settle down soon. Four months on Mr D and I are finally starting to chill out more and we haven�t argued in ages. If we do we just let it slide, we don�t cling onto things anymore, arguing is part of life, it�s how you handle it that counts. Lemonsparkle�s Post Wedding Top Tips! * Facial cleansing wipes clean up satin shoes a treat. I used them on my white satin shoes and they got all the dirt off without smudging or ingraining! Magic! * Dye the top half of your wedding dress. If you wore a two-piece dye the top half and wear it with jeans. My top half looks great with jeans. * Wear your wedding shoes again. Mine are white and pointy and sparkly and look good with jeans, and they�re better off on my feet than in a box somewhere going out of date. * Start a family tradition. I couldn�t find earring that I liked to wear on the Big Day so I had some made, only cost �30 and they are one of a kind, little sparkly pearl drops. I shall pass them on to my daughter on her wedding day (assuming I have a daughter of course!) * Lastly, and most importantly, marry someone you can kiss in the rain. |
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