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    Forwarding Address 28 years-old human... Pancreatitis Depressed
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2003-04-03 - 3:40 p.m. Losing Friends and Being Excited I really must stop buying wedding magazines. It�s getting a little obsessive. And at �4.50 a pop it�s not a very economical addiction. But Wedding and Home had such a good collection of wedding hair styles this month, and I really do need to decide what to do with my hair.. As of today there�s 34 weeks to go. That�s 240 days. Which is 239 sleeps. And I am full of excitement today, so much so that I can�t concentrate and can�t seem to get any work done. I keep logging onto Hitched.co.uk and Confetti and the Debenhams website bridal pages. I think this excitement has mainly been brought on by the fact that I have tomorrow off work to go wedding dress shopping. And I have this feeling in my bones that tomorrow I will find the dress. But I also feel a little sad today. Sad? Maybe not so much sad as somewhat affronted. You see, I have quite a few male friends, I have quite a few female friends too of course. I don�t think I�ve ever been a �bloke�s girl� or a �girl�s girl� but somewhere in between. I seem to get on with both sexes. Anyway, that�s nothing to do with my point. My point is that two of my male friends, two of my best male friends, appear to be slipping away from me. And it�s a little upsetting. Firstly there�s�um�God, I s�pose I should give everybody pseudonyms to protect the innocent. So firstly there�s Yesno. Yesno was my friend from yonks back, we met about two? three? Years ago at work. We had a �fling� which I shall not go into for fear of over-dramatising or under-recognising the importance of it. And I know that he will probably find this diary amongst all the others here one day and get upset. So we shall say we had a fling, which sparked off a friendship. He was extremely good to me during a hard emotional time for me and I will forever appreciate that. And because of the way he was during this time I developed a deep respect for him (but perhaps sometimes, a lot of times, I didn�t act like I had any respect for him at all.) Hmm. I am going off on rambling tangents here, bear with me. Yesno and me have been friends for a few years. But lately I don�t really see him much. He has a lovely girlfriend that he has just moved in with and I like her a lot. In fact I know I will continue to see her regularly despite anything that happens with Yesno. But truth is, he just doesn�t seem to be my friend anymore. I invite him to get togethers, to parties, to drinks etc. I invite him as he is somebody I like to see, somebody I enjoy listening to, someone whose company has always been good. But he doesn�t come. And when he does, I know it�s an effort for him because my other friends aren�t as poetic, or bookish, or musically aware. And that�s fine, I understand that, I wouldn�t be too great in the company of his friends either, but I don�t have to worry about that as I don�t get invited to anything involving his friends. And that�s fine too. But I have got to the point where I feel I shouldn�t invite him to anything, for fear of making him feel bad about not wanting to go. And that makes me sad. I guess this is what is called growing apart. And it�s not that I am mad or anything. Just a little sad that it had to happen. My other male friend that I am losing is �um�lets call him Dundee. Dundee and me started our friendship with a fling as well. Again I will not go into it in detail to avoid over or under expressing it�s importance in my life. We�ve been friends for years now, and we share a lot of mutual friends, which is really good. Dundee gets on very well with my fiance too, he will even be doing a reading at our wedding in November. But we have another friend, Forest, who has issues with Dundee�s girlfriend. You see, Dundee kissed his current girlfriend whilst Forest was really infatuated with her last summer. And Forest hated that, and he was in a rage with Dundee for the best part of last year. And now every time we have a get together or a party, for some reason Forest gets into huge deep and meaningful conversations with Dundee�s girlfriend about why Forest was so upset last year. This causes problems for everyone. Firstly because none of us like to see Dundee so hurt, and all of us would rather Forest just let the past stay in the past and let everyone get on with the present. But Dundee�s girlfriend and Forest just can�t seem to let it go. And it�s for this reason that Dundee has decided it would be easier not to come out for my birthday in a few weeks. As he doesn�t want Forest to get in a big old mood about it all. This must be so boring to read for people who don�t know all these people with strange pseudonyms! But I really needed to get it all off my chest! So I feel like I�m losing two friends � one because we�re growing apart and another because he doesn�t want to hurt somebody who is already hurting him. That�s life I guess. Now I best get back to the business of choosing my favourite wedding hairstyle from Wedding and Home�s top 20�. |
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